"Half the lies they tell about me aren't true." - Yogi Berra

Local Man Gives All the Credit to Jesus after Polishing off Cheese Omelet

Libuse, La. - Mrs. Del Taylor remembers last Friday morning when, she says with a bit of nervous laughter, she discovered only four eggs and a small packet of grated American cheese in the refrigerator.

Continue reading this entry ...

Arizona Makes English the Official Texting While Driving Language

Phoenix, AZ - The Arizona Legislature today overwhelmingly passed the "English Only Texting While Driving" law.

Continue reading this entry ...

NFL Players and Owners Agree On New Thirty-Two Game Schedule

New York, NY – In the public relations rhetoric between the NFL Management Council and NFL Players Association over a new collective-bargaining agreement, both sides agreed with something commissioner Roger Goodell said before Super Bowl XLV."What I hear from fans is that …

Continue reading this entry ...

After Losing Playoff Game, Tom Brady Admits the Patriots Chances of Winning the Super Bowl are Slim.

Foxborough, Ma – In an interview with ESPN Monday Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he hasn’t given up hope of winning the Super Bowl quite yet.

Continue reading this entry ...

Arlington Man Loses Gun License Due To Blog About Tucson Shooting

A blog threatening members of Congress in the wake of the Tucson, Arizona shooting has prompted Arlington police to temporarily suspend the firearms license of an Arlington man.

Sheboygan Christmas tree pickup set for Jan. 10-14

The City of Sheboygan's annual Christmas tree recycling pickup will be the week of Jan. 10-14, weather permitting, on the same day as your garbage pickup, according to city public works officials.

Stephen Hawking: God Didn't Create the Universe

We're not certain the news reports about Stephen Hawking's new book are 100 percent accurate (and we're looking into it -- trying to get our hands on a copy of the book) but apparently Hawking has written something to the effect of this: God did not create the universe

Number of Millionaires in Congress: 261

For Congress, debating the extension of the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans is personal.

Linguist Agree that 'Gibberish' is Misunderstood.

Las Vegas, NV – A seemingly spontaneous eruption of unbridled enthusiasm today by hundreds of linguist, some from as far away as the British Island of Greeneggs and Ham, gathered in triumph today to hail the passing of a draft document celebrating the recent resurrection o …

Continue reading this entry ...

Republican Congressional Winners Put on Notice

Congratulations, Republican candidates. You are no doubt in full gloat over your recent victory in the House.

CIA: China Stealing Coal and Oil From Under North America Via 7,000 Mile Long Tunnels.

Geneva, Switzerland – Swiss scientist monitoring new sophisticated seismograph equipment originally produced in America but illegally and cheaply reproduced in China for half price have been recording strange Earth vibrations for months.

Continue reading this entry ...

Angela Merkel: Multicultural Countries Fail, But Are Democrats Listening?

So what is multiculturalism? It is a philosophy that holds that the component parts of a society sum to make more than the whole. Diversity and individuality are to be celebrated, while the common culture that distinguishes all great society's should be shunned.

Capitalism Saved the Miners

From Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal: It needs to be said. The rescue of the Chilean miners is a smashing victory for free-market capitalism.

China oil firm CNOOC buys Texas assets

Chinese oil company CNOOC has agreed to pay $1.08 billion for a 33% stake in a South Texas shale oil and gas field.

She's Piedmont High's kicker, and Homecoming Queen, too

After finishing 7-5 last season and making the playoffs, Piedmont High football coach Frank Ambrose looked at his team and thought he might have something special this season. He just needed to find a kicker.

Private Protests Held in N.C. City Over Removal of Christian Flag From War Memorial

A holy war is brewing in a small North Carolina city, where the Christian flag seems to be flying everywhere.

Mormon Prophecy Behind Glenn Beck's Message - In one of his first appearances on Fox News, Glenn Beck sent a Coded Message to the Nation's Six Million Fellow Mormons...

In one of his first appearances on Fox News, Glenn Beck sent a coded message to the nation's six million Mormons -- or at least those Mormons who believe in what the Latter-day Saints call "the White Horse Prophecy."

Is Congress Serious About a China Tariff?

On Wednesday night, a few hours before the representatives left Washington to get back to campaigning in their home states, the House passed a bill that would allow tariffs to be imposed on a foreign country for intentionally devaluing its currency to boost its exports.

Republican Sen. Barry Goldwater on the Sanctimonious Religious Right

Barry Goldwater (1909-1998) was a five-term United States Senator from Arizina and the Republican Party’s nominee for President in the 1964 election. An articulate and charismatic figure, Goldwater was known as "Mr.

Continue reading this entry ...

Mexican Restaurants in the Shadow of the Alamo causing Uproar

Mexican restaurants in downtown San Antonio near the historic Alamo are under siege by local residents who believe that they are defending the true American ideals of liberty and freedom by demanding that the restaurants close down and leave.

Continue reading this entry ...

Drunken Cosmonaut Ordered Home from Space Station

Astronaut John Slayer knew something was amiss when he awoke to strange vibrations and noises. Normally Captain Slayer is allowed to sleep at least eight hours before being awakened by Houston for his six-teen hour shift aboard the International Space Station.

Continue reading this entry ...

Gold Found On the Gold Coast of Mississippi.

Gulfport, MS – Rumors are swirling in coastal towns that gold nuggets, many the size of golf balls or larger, have been discovered just beneath the pure white sands along the Mississippi gulf coast.

Continue reading this entry ...

Lance Armstrong Fuming over Tour De France Finish

Paris, France – Lance Armstrong revealed today the depth of his despair in finishing well back in the pack in the recently completed Tour De France.

Continue reading this entry ...

Sarah Palin Explodes Over Supernova Question

Cornstalk, Nebraska - Cornered yesterday afternoon in the Fashion section of the Mystic County Book Store, Sarah Palin gave a local reporter an unexpected and quick lesson in public relations.

Continue reading this entry ...

Recent Votes

Asheville Jack has not voted for any articles yet.

Profile

Asheville Jack

Articles Posted: 58
Links Seeded: 15
Member Since: 5/2009Last Seen: 5/15/2012

Asheville Jack has not filled out a bio yet.

Asheville Jack's Feeds

Subscribe to Asheville Jack's content using the feeds below. Use RSS for your newsreader and JSS to insert onto your own blog:
  • Articles
  • Seeds
  • Votes
  • Comments
  • Watchlist